Proximity Vs. Similarity

On gratefully being wrong.

For more than 24 years, I am so grateful that I have been living with family teaching me a lot how to think as free as the birds fly. What really ever as Indonesian could imagine, have a unique family somehow gave me strength to see a wider view that most Indonesian people could not see.

My open-minded view and skepticism are my swords that have been giving me power to be a critical person. It increases my senses in assessing people as well. Malcolm Gladwell on his book, Blink, has taught me a lot how to believe my snap judgment cause somehow he said on his book that “a snap judgment can actually be far more effective than one made deliberately and cautiously”. It simply means that you do not have to figure something really out when you want to make a single decision. Just need a lil bit magic of snapping. My complex brain has been much affected to that ‘snap judgment’. That thing has been cured my weakness as a libra man who has problem in taking decision.

However, as confidence grows in making decision, somehow it influences my assessment on people. I mostly assess people on their background, their attitude (in fact, people mostly assess me as a burglar whose no attitude attired), their level of conversation, their knowledge, their political view and even their religion view. Those things are critical for me in assessing people. And I realize that whenever I made a fraternal relation with someone, I really considered all those things. And most of the time, I looked over their similarity on me and then we could get along as a friend.

… whenever I made a fraternal relation with someone, I really considered all those things. And most of the time, I looked over their similarity on me and then we could get along as a friend.

In the middle of June, when I was surrounded by a huge heavy storm in that sunny summer, I was accepted at one of prominent job in the country. Well, it enlightened me a bit, most for my family, particularly huge for my mother. But somehow, I came up to God three or four or five times a day (semau guelah pokonya), calling His sincerity and greatness, thanking him for what I have got.

After Eid al-Fitr, the program of the new job started, not exactly right after, but 2 or 3 weeks later. I was not too excited, cause that job was not my first target that I wished when I graduated from university. Still, I was reminded of my mother telling me to be positive that most people really wanted the job yet they failed.

The program hired for about 440 something new employees in which I was one of them. We were accepted after more than 100 thousand people tried to work for the company. Such a great competition, right? :) I gotta be cool on this one!

Still, my low excitement was reflected on my first day on the opening day whilst I mostly slept over the Chairman who gave a sermon on all of us. Because of our big number, we were classified to 8 class for which every class have 5 group. Every class consists for about 54–55 people. Every group consists of 10–11 people. Two days before the opening day, I was informed by email that I was selected in the last group of F-class, which it is F-5.

I was the last one (if not mistaken) who joined the whatsapp group of our class and our group F-5. And I found out that their level of excitement were unbelievably awesome. We were going together for 3 months, 1 months in a big class, 2 months in smaller group which is the F-5 group . After 3 months, we were going to be placed in all over Indonesia which meant we were going to say goodbye as the real work would start at that day. I previously shut down one of my media social, so I could get some privacy starting this new work. It is still dead til now.

I built my trump wall cause I did not think we could really be friend as a friend should be, either in class or in a group. Too much differences as I presumed to think it was. And it still is. Am I extrovertly introvert or introvertly extrovert? Each one of them are coming from different backgrounds and areas. From Sabang to Merauke, we are formed to be one. I still do not remember all the 55 people names in our F-class for sure. HA-HA. Sorry! I did it for every class I was in.

I built my trump wall cause I did not think we could really be friend as a friend should be. Too much differences since I presumed to think it was. And it still is.

Arum P., Budiman E.S.R., D. Prita W., E. Elsa M., Haekal A., Jogi N., Maria P., M. Rizwar G., Nuski I., Raisa N.B. and Titis H. are the written names on the list of F-5. I first saw all of them when we had on-the-job-training at Department of Financial Services Institution Investigation. When everyone started to talk, I still on my silent mode. Scanning for ones who have much similarity on me.

I then knew about their background, status, experiences and even motivation why they chose this company as the next step of their career. A day, a week, a month was passing by quickly. We started to feel the chemistry of our own. We had fun together by doing some karaoke, dinner and study for our training. And I saw that none of them have much similarity on me. So I started to build my trump wall even bigger. The closer, the bigger.

Every day we were getting closer and closer. I felt something with this group. Something positive. I gotta admit that they are really kind and mean. I do not know whether because we were meeting each other every second of our lives in these 3 months, but still we were really taking care of each other. And I believe it was not because of our military training (taken for a week in the beginning of this program).

The F-5 Group had to go to Purwokerto as a part of the on-the-job-training. We were obliged to understand how the company-branch in smaller city works. We went to Purwokerto by train just a day before we started to work. The first day at Purwokerto was my birthday. YES MY BIRTHDAY WOHOOO! So at night when I still awoke at the train, I received several wishes from my friends and I did not ever expect that they would know my birthday since we were only getting to know just only two months. Evenmore, I have a very big trump wall since the beginning :)

The first day at Purwokerto, we were doing a regular thing. Hearing what the chief said, the rules, the works and the working culture there. Nothing special at that day. Until it was night when we were swimming together at the hotel (we were placed at hotel for 2 weeks there, my work is quite fancy right? haha), I saw that Ms. Arum and Mrs. Maria brought a flaring thing that I saw from a distance at pool when others was trying to give me a distraction. I knew straight away that they were going to give me a cake. I confusedly realized that they have been really caring on me. I felt at that point that they really meant when they gave that cake, that surprise. About how they treated me as their friend. A true and honest friendship.

I started to realize that what I gave to them was nothing compared to them giving on me. At the very first time when I noticed this, I tried to demolish my trump wall. And I have been trying to give 100 percent of mine for you guys. Start from that point, I have always felt peace, fun and love around all of you. And when I walked down to the office, I felt as excited as I have ever been. I knew that you are the reason of it.

… none of them have much similarity on me. So I started to build my trump wall even bigger. The closer, the bigger… I confusedly realized that they have been really care for me… And when I walked down to the office, I felt as excited as I have ever been. I knew that you are the reason of it.

• D. Prita W. is a Bachelor of Laws from Sebelas Maret University. She is the most quietest (hyperbolic) person within the group. What I remember from her was she has surprisingly loud voice when she sang Mr. Big song. She is a very humble person. It reflects when her father was on duty in Jakarta, she had to go to her father, at that time, our paper was far from finish. She asked me is it okay if she’d go to meet her father. And I said straight away YES. Wish you have success on Anti-Fraud Department, young and loud lady rocker :)
• Raisa N. B. is the second quietest person in our group. She comes from the same university that Prita had. Something wrong with that university. Furthermore, Raisa had a master degree with a nearly summa cum laude predicate. She is a very studious person. That predicate represents it :) She is nice person, has a very great handwritten and a little bit obscene haha! What I hate about her that she was never joining us on karaoke! She got a placement on supervising foreign banks in Indonesia, one of the most toughest place in the company. Good luck Rai! Please use laundry service, do not wash it manually anymore :p
• Jogi N. is the youngest squad in our group. She graduates from Gadjah Mada University, first person who graduates from Accounting of her batch. She has never been failed on any subjects up until she failed twice on our training exam. She was the first person that I know it’d be okay if I messed with her. Her funny character helped me understand the way it should. She is very focused when it comes to study. Have a very great experience to know you in person Jogai Bohai (I was the one who gave her the name :p). Your bohay-ness (willingness to learn) would always be your weapon. Wish you have a very successful path on Capital Market Supervision Department, young lady :)
• E. Elsa. M. comes from the land of far far far far far away of Papua. When I first know you, I laughed because your accent saying bahasa was incomparable to any Indonesian people I have heard before. I called her mache because she preferred to be called that way. She has two beautiful girls. I would say that your kids is very proud of you, mache. Do not be shy or feel underestimated, your capability is beyond your expectation. Just unleash your potential :) Good luck in building Papua any better, mache. I will be missing you, for sure. No bullying anymore of course HAHA! See you!
• M. Rizwar G. is the fanciest person in our group. He has 5 years of experience working at BNI, 6 years in total actually, because 1 year from small bank at Sby, if I am not mistaken. You should have been accepted at PCP program (the higher program with higher remuneration :p). HAHA just kidding. But I am lucky to know you, apart from your age, you could still manage your precious time. You could get along with the younger ones. With us. I will always remember that you accompanied me watching Maliq concert! Thank you and good luck in supervising your old employer!
• Titis H. at first seems so serious, so religious that I have known she often did a dhuhaa prayer. I have assumption that any Bachelor of Communication would be so extrovert, yet she did not expressed it at that time. Had been getting to know each other, she liked to say something about adults way of life. Start from that point, she became herself. Titis the extrovert who can easily get along with others. Her capabilities in speaking and writing rigid sentences are awesome. The people of Indonesia need you Tiw! Good luck at Surabaya in increasing Indonesia financial literacy! And I will be missing your out-of-the-box mindset, question and even idea!
• Arum P. is the seducer!! The beauty of her would make any men blind! But I know it has been only a joke from her to create our circumstances more relaxed. She is absolutely good at massages. And she is the one who has a very good presentation skill. Whenever we had to present, she would prepare it perfectly. The content of her presentation would always get high grade. Top class! Good luck in Bandung! May you find another aa if you wish :) See ya!
• Nuski I. has a big family. He is the fifth children of 9. He reminds me of my father. He graduates from UIN Syarif Hidayatullah, an Islamic University in Jakarta. From the first time, when I see his jenggot, I knew that he must be a religious person. And I could not be any wrong about it. But, what’s I have admired so much from him that he has never been acted that he has been much more okay or better than any of us. He is the humblest person I have ever met. I believe with all your dignity at work, you will be able to conquer all the problems, Nus! Good at luck at International Department! What a luck, isn’t it?
• Budiman E. S. R. is the first one who offered his services to be our captain. At first, I knew him when we were in military training, he said to me about his sacrifices on working here. It was huge! And he did it because all he wanted is to be next beside his wife. What a family man! His experience at the biggest bank in Indonesia is unquestionable. Again, he got me choked because he was so persistent, so ambitious, so diligent at studying, paper-ing and working on adhoc tasks! What a man! Being at Supervising Integration Department is your destiny. Selamat berkarya, MasBud! Nothing worth having comes easy, woohoo!
• Maria P. is the most maturest person in our group (forgive my hyperbolic sentence :p). Her Java accent would make us feel sleepy because it is so that soft. So that gentle. She is so calm that I could share my experience to her, including my love experience. She gave me a lot of her experiences as the way she delivered her advice on me. She is a woman who loves and prioritizes her husband and family at highest level. When we were in Purwokerto, she went back to Jakarta just because her husband needed her. If I have a wife one day, the character of you should be contained in my future wife, at least a bit. Mbak Pin (the way we all call her), about your placement in Medan, we could have never been sadder when we heard your name was mentioned at that time. I went speechless. If any help I can give it to you, I would. But here, some anonymous proverb says “When everything did not go as the way it should, let the pain hit you. Cause the pain is the color of life”. I hope you could get along with Mas Entut (her loveliest man) as soon as possible! Keep in touch Mbak Pin! Be strong!

During my group trip from Jakarta to Purwokerto by train, when all my teammates fell asleep, I read my second Malcolm Gladwell book. The famous Tipping Point. Inside the book, there was one research by group of psychologists asked people living in Manhattan to name their closest friend in the project; 88 percent of the friends lived in the same building, and half lived in the same floor. In general, people chose friends of similar age and race. But if the friend lived down the hall, then age and race became less important. Proximity overpowered similarity.

I would like to say my deepest sorry if for these 3 months together I had mistakes, for which it could have been many to every one of you. You all have taught me how to deal with non-materialistic matter in life. Every single of you has contributed in making me better as a human being. This essay will not be enough to describe all of your kindness and lesson you have given me this far. I expect success in all of you. Let this sentences be my atonement for all of you.

Long live Black Mamba! Black Mamba forever in heart ❤️❤️❤️

We all are with you, Mbak Pinta :)